don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
