I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
