Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
