I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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