I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
