Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
