there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
