two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
not ubering you a puppy
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
