I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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