your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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