i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
