so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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