This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
FUCK WHALES
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