WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
