I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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