I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
