Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
