her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
