I think im going to throw up on grandma
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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