The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No subtext here. People are naked.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
