My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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