Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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