My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
