i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
