my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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