dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
