Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
