Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I need moral support for this bender
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
