I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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