Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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