Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
