turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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