Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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