Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
