it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
