I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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