whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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