I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
