this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
