Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
