I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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