It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
