'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
