I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
