he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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