Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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