He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
