i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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