Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
