To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
