I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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