Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
