Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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