I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
