so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
